"De-socialized"

            Everywhere I go I see people who have noticed the changes God has made in my life. Even some to the extreme point of saying, “We need to socialize you with public again.” Well I do have to say that I believe I am a very social person, seeing how I talk to absolutely anyone I come across. So it’s not that I’ve been de-socialized, it's more that I just grew up and put away childish things and ways.

 Just a few of the childish things I speak of are: selfishness, I was only looking at what the outcome of any situation would lead ME to; gloating, about material possessions or personal achievements; judging others based on their possessions or lack thereof (ick); being unkind and cold when I wasn’t having a good day; unforgiving towards anyone who hurt or upset me; covetous, wanting things others had; insecurity, there are beautiful women all over the world and Hollywood and social media sure did a good job of reminding me that I definitely was not comparable to "them"; spiteful, I could be very mean and malicious for no reason; greed, wanting everything that glitters with gold (all the material things the world told me I needed to be accepted by the world).

 I partied, oh man..did I! I did the drugs and drank the alcohol that came along with it, and was sexually immoral! I hung out with 'someone's and ‘famous’ people, I watched awful things on television and in the movies, I read empty words that filled pages upon pages of worldly books and somehow I always ended the day thinking I was happy and satisfied! In reality all I ever felt was empty and alone! Truly.  I never felt the true sense of happiness, until I realized I was leaving the biggest and most important happiness factor out of my life-- God and His Son! 

                Sure, I’ve always been a "Christian" and was raised in church since I was a child, but I believe I was indeed living the life of a Christian Atheist. I said I was a Christian, but the way I acted and reacted to things weren’t even close to that of a Christian, more of an atheist! (I had a carnal acceptance of Jesus and what He did on the Cross; I was not truly born again).

​                It was all a fantasy world I found myself living every single day. Sure it felt good to wake up to messages from a ‘someone’ in the mornings, or to go out in the world and have people tell me how beautiful I looked on the outside (the flesh perishes, the inner man is where our beauty truly is), or even waking up early only to spend the rest of my day engulfed in television and social media that only seemed to further deteriorate my soul and mind!

              I realized I didn’t want to be this person or live this life any longer, I was so miserable! Everyone on the outside looking in on my life always thought I had it made. Everyone was always saying something about where I was going next! I was always traveling somewhere or always at some sporting event or concert. I was living exactly the life that many people wish they could live, but trust me when I say it is an illusion, all smoke and mirrors people! I knew that inside of me buried deep somewhere was the happy "Christian"  girl I used to be and could be when I chose to. I craved, and do crave, for that person to be present every single second of my being. Not just this day or that day, or whatever day I’m having a ‘good’ day, but every single day. 

                (I was only able to achieve this change through the sacrifice paid for ME on the Cross, through being truly born again and regenerated by Jesus Christ's blood! The old me was dead and gone the day I truly accepted the gift freely given! I could feel the change immediately and KNEW something serious really had taken place in my life and I KNEW God was the ONLY answer! His Son came down and saved me from myself!) EZEKIEL 36:25-27; JOHN 3:5-6; ROMANS 10:9; 2 CORINTHIANS 5:17; I PETER 1:23; EZEKIEL 11:19-21; PSALM 51:10; ETC ETC. There's so many scriptures on it.    

​                Why does everyone seem to be so wrapped up in living for the world and what it has to offer? Why do we live our lives focused so much on what has happened to us in the past? Do we not really comprehend the shortness of this life? I’m not so sure that some do. The life I was living was full of sin, lies, and complete selfishness...so naturally I thought I was fooling myself and God, but in all reality I was wasting time and only fooling myself and in the process causing myself to live a truly sad and miserable life--on the inside!

              Thankfully, the Lord woke me up to the realization that time IS running out and I needed to make things right, and fast! So there I was at the crossroads; the life I had planned for myself and I indeed had the free will to choose to continue living blindly and following the world, sinning every second of the way, or I could simply choose to turn back to God! Honestly, had He not come down to me the day of my Grandfather's funeral, I'm not so sure if I ever would've woke up. He literally had to hit me over the head to wake me up! I was that disillusioned guys! The veil was so thick!

​                It seems to me that a lot of the people that really do have a desire and craving to know who God is, where He is, and what He’s all about, never choose to take the time to follow through with it because the devil, through society, has programmed them to feel ashamed of their sins which ultimately leaves them with the feelings and thoughts that they aren’t worthy of God’s love anyway, so many think, “Why waste my time or anyone else’s for that matter?” 

             That’s just not right or even close to the TRUTH. Yes, sin brings consequences but that shouldn’t make us want to go ahead and keep living in that sin and choose the devils path just because we’ve been taught to think this way. You have the ability to turn from this behavior and way of thinking if you’ll just believe in God's power to transform you and trust that Jesus did come to save you from this curse we are having to find our ways through. All we have to do is accept His gift of salvation and live the Christian life He desires for us, through much persecution and many trials. Do not believe the lies that Christian's have it made and are somehow able to escape any type of pain or tribulations.  

 Death was also something I was absolutely terrified of before being born again. We are all well aware and scared of death because we have been programmed to be fearful; programmed to constantly listen and watch of the death that surrounds us, and programmed to hate God for the death of anyone! Shootings, car wrecks, genocide, murders, cancer, HIV, even natural causes of death are somehow solely God's fault? 

            I realize there's a real fear factor reminder that death awaits us all but it doesn’t have to be anything other than what it is. The word ‘death’ in several books of the New Testament is also the same as: asleep in Christ, asleep, or resting. Do any of those sound scary? No, to me they all sound quite pleasant and peaceful. Sure death is scary for those who chose for it to be their permanent decision, "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life". Death is just a stepping stone for those who do this. "For to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord", if you have accepted the gift of eternal life through Jesus' blood sacrifice.

I’m not saying I don’t understand the reality of death and the pain it leaves in it's wake, because it indeed surrounds us 24/7, every second of every single day and I have lost count of all of the loved ones I personally have lost in my short life thus far, and it hurts. Deeply. But we have to keep our eyes on the One who came to conquer death! It will be no more, it is the last thing conquered! But like I said, it isn’t anything to be fearful of if you are safe under the arms of Jesus. 

           I do realize that the mere thought to many of having a ‘personal relationship’ with someone they can’t see, feel, hear, or touch (for some-- some do hear and see), just sounds absolutely ridiculous. That’s where ‘Jesus freak’ and ‘weirdo’ come in, but one can’t ignore the presence of the Lord in one’s life if they have experienced it personally, that’s me. It isn’t anything you feel you can even explain to anyone without sounding a little crazy, and I have been called that by a few. I didn’t really understand it then, but I do now. (ACTS 17:11)

“Everybody thinks I’m crazy. They say, “You take the Jesus thing too seriously.” Well I don’t know, but Christ took me pretty seriously when He died for me on the Cross.”

 I’ve realized that now all I ever seem to find myself talking about or thinking about is the importance of loving one another and putting behind us the pain and hurt from the past! Just letting it all go. 

             Here are a few lovely examples of what has/needs to change:

So I find myself, on a cold and rainy Tuesday afternoon, in Ardmore Oklahoma at the “Y Boys and Girls Club”. I was there to hang out with a friend that worked for the youth center who just happened to be refereeing a kid’s basketball game. My friend had text me earlier that morning to ask if I wanted to come hang out and watch his nephew’s basketball game later that evening. Sure, I hadn’t seen my friend in a while and felt like we needed to spend some time together, and I’m always willing to go spread my faith at any time. We actually met my freshman year of college and he turned out to be a friend I never saw coming. 9+ years now and we still keep in touch.

So sitting in the stands alone, being surrounded by dozens of people that I have no idea who they are or where they’re from, feeling a lot like a blur in the background, I suddenly felt like time was rolling on in front of me and I wasn’t really there. I couldn’t help but overhear conversations on either side of me. To my right was a very nice elderly man who was at the game to support his little grandson. You could see how excited and proud this grandpa was for his grandson and he had not any other care in the world other than basking in this single moment; and if he did I wasn’t aware because all he talked about was his grandson and how his wife was on her way---she was running late.

To my left was a group of basketball moms. I silently prayed that it would be a good night and thought to myself, “Is it possible to ever experience an evening of people just being happy and living in the moment”? Nope, it was a short lived thought because almost immediately I heard things that were troubling to my soul! The basketball moms talked on things such as: how good one boy was compared to the others who "sucked" (don’t they all want to be told good job?); one of the ‘grown’ women calling a child on the opposing team a ‘fatty’ (I’m not sure if this made her feel better about her own weight problem); John and Cindy’s Facebook relationship status and relationship (recently told by a guy that “it’s just a status to happily occupy some girl”); and I sat and watched a married man lust after a girl who was scantily dressed (lust and adultery are very scary to meddle in). So I couldn’t quite grasp on to the stupidity of the wasted breathe and what I would have hoped the intellect on many individuals parts that day. I felt so grieved within my soul for the state of people's minds. (Remind you, I had just been born again and was hyperaware of everything going on around me in the spiritual sense.)

It is so bizarre to me how we all float around thinking it’s our business what everyone else is doing in their personal lives! There is a boundary of personal space as well as respect. I believe it is healthy to be involved in giving and helping others in times of happiness and need, but when it comes to Joel and Hannah’s marriage, I believe it’s best if we let God be the interpretive one, not ourselves. So why can’t we direct this energy we so badly seem to want to direct toward things of this world and other people's problems that aren’t any of our business and instead direct it towards what children in our own communities aren’t eating for breakfast, lunch, or dinner! Or the clothes they don’t have to wear to school! Or the utilities in these homes that may not be paid this month that need to be, so they’ll be able to take hot baths and cook what food they might have for supper!

Upon many conversations with ‘influential’ and ‘smart’ individuals in my life, I find the diversity in doing such things for people. There are those with mind sets like my own, who do understand the need and the point in doing these things for others. And there are the polar opposites of those who will argue until they are blue in the face of how no one needs to help anyone; "everyone needs to figure it out on their own". But what about these children that are affected by all of the decisions ‘adults’ make? Sometimes the children make more logical decisions than the so called parents! Yes, some people simply shouldn’t have children but guess what? They do, and it’s here for us to live with and do something about! How can anyone with a born again new heart look at a child that has rags for so called clothing and dirt under his fingernails, because no one cared enough to make sure he had bathed himself that night, really say they have a heart if they don’t do something about it?!!

          It is not the child’s fault that the parents are too wrapped up in their own lives filled with games of poker and Call of Duty (our real duty is to The Lord!), or caught up in the fantasy land of Hollywood on TV. Oh, and let’s not forget the social worlds of Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram to name a few. It’s everyone’s 15 minutes of fame this day in age. The parents don’t seem to realize that their children wake up, go to school for 8 hours of their day, go home, play, eat supper—the lucky ones, and go to sleep a short while after only to wake up the next day to repeat the same monotonous tasks once again! There really is no time in between for bonding because everyone seems to have let technology slip through the foundation like ivy, creeping and crawling all around us. It practically consumes the ‘normal’ savvy and up-to-date human being. (sigh)

 There’s a huge percentage of people that have many different sorts of technological devices and apps they use to run their daily lives. What happened to talking in person or doing things on our own, with our God given hands and brains without having the help of a computer? Technology not only has put a wedge between man and the real world, our lives, but also between jobs and the unemployment rates. It now has taken over jobs that humans used to succeed and pride themselves at producing and manufacturing every day for a living. A living, you know, to feed their families and pay their bills? Whatever gadget or program we talk about has to be produced and manufactured, so this should be eye opening. I realize some people won’t even get the point at all but that’s understood.

There’s also the reality of the families that are living a life according to an addiction. Now you have to realize there are many levels and types of addictions. Let’s say….methamphetamines, prescriptions drugs, cocaine, alcohol, pornography, crack, opiates, heroine, huffing, television, social media, upon many many more! We all know addictions are very serious and life threatening. When an individual is addicted, that certain addiction takes the number 1 spot in their lives, nothing else is AS important! Of course they still care about their children and family but the addiction is just way more important. Sounds harsh, but it’s the truth and we all know it. We also know about the parents who don’t love or care at all, no addiction added. The addict pulls a $20 bill out of their wallet and has the thought, "okay, I can either take home a few groceries to prepare a hot dinner for my family or I can just grab a 30 pack of Bud Light and find my way home eventually". The addict just doesn’t feel like dealing with the emotions and heartache the real world has brought, so they settled for the latter and now the two children, both ages in elementary school, won’t eat dinner and will go to bed hungry. The other parent is so drugged out on prescription pain killers that they didn’t even notice the children haven’t eaten or had their baths before bed. The children will also go to school dirty and in the same clothes as the previous day because all the laundry is dirty, why do laundry when my life is so ‘awful’? The kids settle on sleeping in the clothes from that day and will be ready to go as soon as they crawl out of bed in the morning.

(Where are the witnesses to reach these parents with the hope that they don't have to live life this way! There's a better way, and He, Jesus Christ, came to die for them! He came to save them from this life, to give them hope and joy amongst the chaos, amongst the heartache, amongst all the pain this world throws at us, HE CAN AND WILL HELP US THROUGH IT IF WE JUST TRUST THIS AND REALLY BELIEVE IN HIM! Trust me!)

​                The children at school the next day, those that haven’t been raised to not judge others or make fun of the less fortunate-- whether emotionally or materially neglected, laugh and make fun of them because they have the same clothes on as yesterday and are dirty. “Ewe, that’s gross!”.  A few children are gentle and loving and accept these children for who they are on the inside because they’ve been raised in a loving household and taught to love each as your own and treat others as you desire to be treated! 

             Typically the children stuck in these loveless homes are usually the ones who love being at school, despite the few bullies who always seem to drag their confidence home with them on the bottoms of their shoes. They usually don't want to ever hear the bell ring at the end of the day, reminding them of the hell that waits when they arrive ‘home’. Is it the children’s fault they didn’t have dinner or know how to bathe themselves when no one ever seemed to care enough to teach them or help them? Let me guess, the next reaction will be, “the kids just need to do it themselves or get a job”.

              If we could all just realize that this life isn’t about money, fame, cars, and clothes, social media status, etc-- it’s actually about our Creator, who gave us this life, and taking care of His children with genuine love and compassion! His children aren’t just children either, they’re adults as well. 

             If you profess yourself to be a Christ follower, it is OUR duty to be the ones to help those in need. Not just say we will say a prayer for them. We have to literally help them with their physical needs!

             I guess my point here is, I used to be all about myself and all the things the world taught me to seek after and try and achieve, but thankfully I was finally able to see the truth through God removing the veil and placing a new heart within me, and let me tell you, He is very real and ready for you. The only thing is, we really don’t have much time left to get right with Him. If you’ll sit down and pray for understanding and truth, He indeed will give it. You have to be genuine though. Don’t live for the world any longer, live for God and you’ll see how amazing and wonderful it feels!

            I also have the comfort in knowing that even when I do mess up it’s okay because I have God to help me through it and through His Son I've been forgiven for my past sins, present sins, and future sins. I also know that if I'm in a 15 foot hole, rest assured that the Lord will send me an angel to throw a 16 foot rope so I can climb back up! We can accomplish absolutely anything we desire through Him, if it's for the glory of His Son and His Kingdom (not the worldly desires of our wicked hearts). 

            I think it’s obvious which decision I went with and I couldn’t be any happier. Yet I now, born again, am very aware of the many Christian atheists walking around lifeless because they're consumed by the world. I dare you to take the time to really sit back and make sure you KNOW you KNOW you KNOW that you've been truly born again and that you are living for God; not in the world and for the world. 

          I've not been de-socialized, I've only awakened to the truth and what really matters in this world; God and His Son and the fact that we all have to be born again to truly make a change in this world; not live for the world and alongside it making matters worse.