*My road to Damascus = Edmond, Oklahoma* 

I was raised by parents that believe(d) in the Lord and trust the Gospel message as the Truth to what's going on in this world. As I began to grow older and more aware, I watched a set of parents who were deeply hurting. You see, they had both been stung - very deeply - by deaths sting when they lost their third child at the age of 2 months old to SIDS. Her name was Drew Faith. My Dad would always say that he "Drew his Faith" from the loss of her and that's where he began seeking the Lord in His Word for himself. But church hurt is a real thing so I never witnessed my parents attend church outside of going to a wedding or a funeral. Church hurt is no reason to not attend a healthy church though. It's incredibly important for us to gather with like minded believers, for many reasons we can find laid out for us in the Scriptures. 

They didn't have the strength on their own or the understanding of how truly important it was to allow the Lord to be their only comfort -- so they both found themselves addicted to substances and alcohol to numb their pain instead of finding their comfort solely in the arms of our Lord Jesus Christ. They believed on Him, but they didn't lean on Him, solely. 

If you have never experienced watching the life of an addicted parent unfold before you, you my friend are blessed. I know there are many other ways for a home to be broken outside of substances and alcohol but having parents addicted to anything other than Jesus is truly a hard life. 

Even though our life was incredibly hard because of our parent's choices in their depression from life after losing a child to death - my siblings and I knew our parents loved us. Deeply. 

It became clear the older we got just how really messed up their lives had both been as children and how it continued to be messed up from the pain deaths sting kept bringing...over and over (we've lost so many many family and friends). Which led to the choices they made in their pain and heartache. The chains of addictions couldn't be broken because they never truly laid them down at the foot of the cross. It was easier to just stay numb. 

Chaos and heartbreak was the normal in our home. There were some good days, don't get me wrong. But having one parent DEEP in the meth scene and heavily addicted was well,..... incredibly hard. Mom did all she could to keep our family together. She fought demons I know nothing about, I'm sure. She battled Dad and his demons alongside her own. How she stayed with him for the many years she did is only a testament to her true love for him. She even cared for him in her own home as he was on his death bed ... and they were divorced because of his addictions. Our life was truly the wildest movie plot I've heard of. I'm not just saying this to sound dramatic either. It was dark and scary and it breaks my heart because I know many children have it far worse than we did. 

So I never witnessed my parents walk out the Christian life how I NOW know the Holy Scriptures guide us to. If only they could have found the strength through Jesus to battle the darkness and with it the depression and taken hold of how crucial it is to be of a sober mind, maybe things would have been a lot different for all of us. A lot healthier, in every way, and a lot less heartache and chaos. Their choices/sin bled onto their children. We all know sin separates us from a Holy and Righteous God and He cannot truly comfort us if we have a barrier up. 

I had parents who genuinely loved Jesus but they didn't ever truly allow Him to break those chains and bring true comfort and healing to their pain. Day after day they chose their addictions instead and stayed out of church and out of their Bibles. They stayed where the enemy wanted them. Alone and in the darkness. 

I say all of this to say, even in their messes, they ALWAYS confirmed the Gospel message to us and encouraged us to go to church every chance we could, even though they themselves never went. And I watched them live both in the world and in their faith in God. One foot in each camp. Divided. So you can see the dichotomy here. 

As a young teenager I was baptized by Brother Tony and never once questioned the Gospel message or God. I've had many questions for God and about Him but I've never questioned Him as being the Truth. I have just known within my being that He was and is THE TRUTH to all questions in this life. 

So when I graduated High School and moved away from home, I too had one foot in each camp. I thought it was normal. It would be okay to do what I wanted with my flesh because I also loved the Lord and believed. Oh how misguided that thinking was and is and I wouldn't understand the whole truth for many years to come. I was deceived and blind. One can have head knowledge of the Lord and truly believe but also not truly be born again. That was me. 

I ended up following the world and the path it is headed towards -- utter darkness and destruction. I called myself a Christian but what I really was, was a Christian atheist as I call it. I professed with my mouth that He was Lord of my life but how I lived was like that of an atheist. No-one would have ever known or believed I was a Christian based off of the fruits of my life. Nothing about me pointed to Jesus. All through college and for years after, I partied. Hard. I ended up being totally dependent on that lifestyle and making very selfish decisions in the process and in the midst of the "fun", I knew I was utterly broken on the inside and severely depressed. I caused myself much harm and unneeded heartache. 

The enemy of our souls knows exactly what it takes for each and every one of us to be lead off of the path of eternal life and he knew for me it was going to be this life. I was only interested in the world and all it had to offer. Money, material items, alongside trying to be a "someone" or with a someone that was famous...and that life was what seemed like "arriving in life was", for me anyway. 

So I found myself not only deep in the party world but with it I ended up dating professional athletes. 

I once found myself at the Masters Golf tournament in Augusta, Georgia ... and looking back I realize I was almost human trafficked. So sometimes we wonder how people ever end up in that situation and let me tell you, it can happen quick and never what one expected. I thank the Lord for protecting me that night, even in my sin. I now have three daughters of my own and I pray they never go down this road the world leads to. 

Young people, I admonish you to guard yourself against the world and truly try with the strength of Jesus to keep yourself for your future spouse that He already has laid out for you. Wait. He will bring you the right one when the time is right. 

Many have shrugged me off and proclaimed I wasn't "so bad". Y'all. I was rotten to the core. Even though I was a professed Christ follower the life I was living was one of pure darkness and self indulgence. I was my own god. And if you would have told me that I was a sinner separated from God by my life and actions, I would have been extremely offended. Ask my precious Meemaw. 

We had a huge fight a month before I was truly born again. She was the only person in my life that had the nerve and courage to speak up about her concerns for my life. She confronted me about the path she could clearly see my life was taking me and that was a life of destruction. She told me she was concerned because even though I professed to love the Lord, the fruits of my life were rotten and not fruits of one who has truly been born again by the Spirit of God. Regenerated. She was deeply concerned for me and rightfully so. She had ears to hear, eyes to see, and an understanding and discernment that only one who is truly born again will understand. (You shall know them by their fruits)

I exhibited zero fruits of the Holy Spirit that He gives us once we have truly given ourselves to Him and truly make Him Lord of our life. So talk about being offended at her. I was so mad that she thought I could possibly go to hell if something were to happen to me before I was truly saved. I thought being baptized was good enough. I knew I believed. But I also had a continual nudge within me that my life was not what God had intended it to be as someone who professed to love Him, yet I continued on. I'm not sure if I would have gone to heaven or hell had I died at this point in my life, because I did believe in the Lord Jesus and the Gospel message......but my life and my choices were causing me much harm and destruction. 

A month after my Meemaw blowout, I found myself visiting my Grandpa Dewey (my Mom's Dad) at the Veterans hospital in Oklahoma City, and I wasn't really comprehending that we were about to lose him. 

I was, however, cut to the heart from the eye opening conversation I had just had with Meemaw and I found myself sitting in Grandpa's hospital room as I visited with him and continually pondering within myself "Well what IS the truth because what I think is the truth and what I'm hearing is the truth are two totally different views!". But the veil was still thick and ever present so I was still too concerned about worldly things and not focused solely on my Grandfather and the little time I had left with him.

Let's fast forward to the day Grandpa Dewey took his last breath. I'll never forget it. It is etched in my memories for life. He sat gazing so intently and sweetly across the room at a corner where no-one was sitting or standing and sweetly reached out and whispered, "Jesus hold me!" AND SUDDENLY, I had a serious heart stopping "WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE TO PROFESS TO BE A CHRIST FOLLOWER AND YET HAVE NO REAL RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM!" THIS IS REAL!!!

I became increasingly convicted within myself and began pondering, continually, about the reality of GOD and how LITTLE I knew Him and of Him. All I knew for certain was that I was a trillion miles away from Him! I left the hospital early that morning...truly shook to the core. And not just because Grandpa had just passed over to eternity and left us behind. 

Fast forward to the day of his funeral. 

November 6th, 2012. 

It is the day etched and marked deeply in my soul and history book as miraculous and life changing. Radically. 

After the funeral was over, as I was headed back to Edmond, Oklahoma, where I lived, as I was nearing Asher Oklahoma, I saw a very vivid reel begin to play out before my eyes. I could still see the highway but I was seeing a vision in my minds eye (not my physical eyes). God began to show me my life and how I was currently living and what path it was going to take me down -- absolute heartache, despair, destruction, and literal death. It was truly awful.

Then I began to see my life in the LIGHT, in Jesus Christ, and what He had prepared for me. A beautiful family and happiness. True happiness. True joy. 

I was then shown I was to resign from my very good paying job, I was to pack up my newly moved in to apartment, and I was to move back home to my parents house. I was to apply to be a substitute teacher at the school I was raised in and graduated from. I left that town behind and never had any intentions of going back. So this meant going back to ground zero that I had escaped as soon as I could. So not only was I back in my parents home, but I also went from making thousands of dollars a week to making maybe hundreds, if I was "lucky". 

I could have easily chosen to ignore that vision and continued on with my life. However, there was NO denying or ignoring the call from our Mighty God to TURN! FOLLOW ME! I suddenly understood what exactly Jesus dying for ME meant.  I began to have a true fear and reverence for God and was cut to the heart, deeply, about my sins. 

It was definitely my "Choose you this day whom you will serve" moment! There was no denying or ignoring the call! 

So I did all I was shown and asked to do. I quit my job, I moved out of my apartment, I went back to Tupelo America, and I began to substitute teach. I eventually got a job at the local Home Depot as well to be able to pay my bills and make my expensive car payment. Mind you, I had a college degree but I couldn't find a job to save my life. So I settled for what I could get. Or was it what God had intended all along to humble me? While working at Home Depot, I ran across my old boss from my accounting job at Legal Shield while in college and he offered me my old job back. So hallelujah, praise the Lord, I was able to escape Home Depot! But talk about humbling for sure. 

When I wasn't working, I was found holed up somewhere, reading and studying my Bible. I was so spiritually malnourished that I felt like I couldn't get enough Scriptures in my soul! I sought God out in the only place I knew I could and would find Him. In His Word. I couldn't simply wait for each Sunday for someone else to read it to me and tell me what it said. That wasn't enough. I had to know for myself! Immediately!  

I was lead by the Holy Spirit to start in Genesis and in Matthew alongside one another and to read straight through - NO skipping around. So much context and meat is missed when skipping around. 

So still to this day, you can find me seeking the Scriptures like treasures to be found! Because it is a real life treasure hunt! (Psalm 119:162 : I rejoice at thy word, as one that finds great spoil )

I am a sinner saved by grace through faith in GOD and His Son Jesus Christ. I myself have done nothing to earn this precious gift of salvation and knowing that I now KNOW I have been spiritually born again through the work of the Holy Spirit in Jesus Christ is incredibly freeing and brings me unspeakable joy. Even in the midst of utter heartbreak.

I didn't suddenly become a perfect person that day in my car. God saves us wholly on the day we truly surrender and give ourselves to him. That is true. Salvation is instant. Sanctification is however a daily process. He works on us, every day, and will continue to do so until we take our last breath. So I'm still a sinner, I still mess up. But I can say sanctification is a messy but beautiful process. We will all be pruned to our dying day of something that needs fixing and worked on while here in these bodies covered in the curse of sin and death. Our flesh is the battle. We will all struggle but God can and will help us to change. Over time. 

Our God can and will pull us out of dire situations if we will only truly fear Him and trust in His plan and fully surrender to Him and His way. Not our own. 

This life is but a vapor - but eternity is just around the corner and it's either heaven or hell. Life or death. Forever. 

I often think of the story of the rich man and the beggar named Lazarus that laid at this rich mans gate -- they both died at the same time. Lazarus, who had nothing here on earth went to Abraham's bosom (this was before Jesus had died and rose again and ascended to heaven so Abraham's bosom was where the saints went upon dying) and the rich man who had it all here on earth was buried and went to Hades. A place of utter torment and he was fully cognitively aware of the reality of it and he begged for Abraham or Lazarus to go and tell his family (specifically his 5 brothers) the truth so they didn't end up where he did. Read it for yourself. It is found in Luke chapter 19.

Hell is a real place, Jesus spoke about it more than anyone else in the entire Bible. Don't let the enemy of your soul lie to you about its reality. 

After November 6th, the day I can say for certain that I was truly born again, I began to see things differently, react differently, hear things differently, my understanding was different...the Lord began to show me the music I had been listening to, to the books I entertained, to the television I watched, to the way I dressed myself, to the way I treated others, and everything in between were not honoring Him in any way. Period. I was so ashamed at the life I had been living.

I ended up deleting over half of my iTunes songs because I suddenly realized they were straight garbage. Really. I quit watching television because it was so filthy, (the things I entertained anyway). I ended up throwing away half of my wardrobe because I dressed provocatively and I began to understand we as Christians are called to dress modestly. For very good reasons. My heart broke at how utterly lost I was and deceived. Ashamed isn't even the proper word to fit to this but I'm struggling to find a better word. 

God began sanctifying me through my reading His Word and I began to understand what He has called us to as Christ followers through truly seeking Him out and studying. Before this, I never read my Bible. Not with a heart truly seeking Him anyway. 

Now comes the best part of this entire testimony outside of salvation. My precious family that I know I would not have been blessed with if I would have chosen to stay my own god. 

Four months after my encounter with the Lord - I met my wonderful husband. We were married 6 months after meeting and now we are blessed with 3 beautiful daughters (whom the doctors told me I could never have by the way). 

I do not have a perfect life; I struggle with heartache and all that comes with being a human being. I fail. Daily. BUT. GOD! He gives me the comfort and carries me through it all. Truly. He is my rock and my salvation. He gives me true comfort and HOPE in knowing this here and now isn't all there is to life. There's more....a lot more.

He truly comforts me when deaths sting has stung -- over and over -- and over... and to know that I will see my loved ones who have gone on home before me because I truly believe and trust the Gospel of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He conquered death. And what is waiting around the corner for us is far beyond what any one of us can even imagine or comprehend. And all I know that I know, THAT I KNOW, is that it will be far more real than all of this. 

My heart aches and mourns for the souls we lose whom we aren't so certain if they entered eternity with the blood of Christ covering their filthy garments of sin or not. Its heart breaking to think of anyone separated from our loving God for eternity. 

I'll never stop sharing the good news of our Savior! He is real. His Story found in the Holy Bible IS REAL. And beautiful. It's not boring!

Are you certain of where you'll spend eternity? Because I am. And I can tell you there is one who can make sure you know you are certain and that's Jesus Christ. It's all about a personal and real relationship with Him. Not just head knowledge of Him. 

Thank you Jesus for laying down your life so I could have a chance of being reunited with You, not just in eternity but here and now. Jesus isn't just life insurance for when we die and enter eternity -- He is life insurance for here and now. To get us through this valley of death and give us supernatural strength in the long suffering until He returns. 

I'm now the annoying "Bible thumper", and often misunderstood by many people who just don't understand how precious a true and real relationship with our Savior is and how it changes you. You no longer fit in with the world. Jesus told us not to marvel when the world hates you because it also hated Him, and we are His. 

Those who have yet to be truly born again cannot see through the veil of sin and deception of the simplicity that's found in the cross and what Jesus did for us by shedding His blood for us all. My prayer is that they will come to Him before it's too late and be that "Jesus Freak" & "Bible thumper" with me. It's all that matters. Truly. My friend....don't live with one foot in the world and one foot in the camp of the Lord. There's no comfort found in living that life. Come on over to surrendering fully to Jesus. It's worth it. I promise!

Read the Scriptures on your own. In context. It is life changing. It has the power to change your life just like it has mine and continues to do in mine. Life doesn't suddenly become peaches n cream once you surrender, but it begins to make more sense and God gives you a supernatural ability to withstand all that life throws at you. It often times gets harder instead of easier to be honest. 

The last thing I'll share here, because I know I needed to wrap it up about 15 minutes ago, is that the Lord began to give me a handful of very real and intense dreams concerning the end of days and what it will be like for all people on earth before His return. They have all played out exactly as I was shown and are continuing to. I believe the Lord showed me these things to keep a fire within my soul for the truth and to not fall back in to the world and it's lifestyle. It is our duty as regenerated Children of God to share the Gospel message with a lost and dying world, destined for Hell. And we are to be set apart from the world. Not blend in and look just like it. 

We are the only generation in the history of the world to see every single sign of the times that Jesus TOLD us to be watching for. So we wouldn't be caught unaware. Are we truly awake and paying attention? Protect yourselves and your children from the demon hordes that are upon us in our cultures entertainment. This world we now find ourselves in is straight anti-God. Look around. Pay attention because it matters not only what you feed your body, but what you feed your soul. 

The apostles and millions of our brothers and sisters in Christ have been and are brutally being murdered for their faith and refusing to deny Jesus Christ as Lord. And why is that? How could these people withstand the pressure to deny or be killed? 

It's because they KNEW the Truth and didn't have fear of physical death. 

Will you or I be able to withstand this kind of persecution when it hits America? Because it's coming. We are promised peace and safety but if you are studying the Word of God, properly, you know it's a false peace and a false safety. Deception is all around us. Wake up if you haven't yet...because our redemption draws near! It's at the door! 

I'm now a fully surrendered vessel to my Lord Jesus Christ and I pray I'm able to lead as many people as I can to Him and the real Truth before I myself die.